Southern Miss @ South Carolina (-14)

Well, this sure is an interesting one to kick off Thursday night.  It seems the Gamecocks love the Thursday night opener against an inferior opponent but Southern Miss still have Brett Favre right?  Oh wait, he retired, well, did he?  Oh who really gives a shit anymore.  I am going to take Southern Miss +14 solely because Brett Favre is likely to un retire and make his way to Williams Brice Stadium to lead the, what the hell is Southern Miss?, Southern Missers to a close loss.

USC (-21) @ Hawaii

Ahhh, the classic home dog on Thursday night.  I will take this every day of the week, well every Thursday.  USC has been through quite the mental grind this offseason and they are going to spend a week on vacation in Hawaii enjoy the scenery and by that I mean the beautiful ladies.  They will also get to enjoy some amazing landscapes as well, once again, the beautiful ladies.  With all of that fun in the sun I think Hawaii comes out and surprises no one by at least keeping it very close in the first half.  The Trojans will be needed……for the game!  In the second half the fighting Kiffens, Lane and Monte, will pull out (the victory) late but Hawaii keeps it close.  Take Hawaii +21

Miami Ohio @ Florida (-35)

Ahhh, Tim Tebow is finally gone, that took long enough.  Urban Meyer is pulling a Brett Favre by retiring, not retiring, taking time off, coming back and then wavering again.  The joys of being a college football coach (ie Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban and Steve Spurrier).  With that being said the mighty Miama of Ohio Redhawks (is that right?) are going to bring Ben Roethlisberger down, seeing as he is suspended, and Big Ben will help to keep it close.  Take Miami Ohio +35 as Florida will be replacing a few starters that were very important in getting crushed by Alabama last year.

UConn @ Michigan (-3)

Well this is an interesting one to start the season.  Ole Rich Rod needs to have a decent season to hang on to his job at the University of Michigan and this is not an easy start.  We all know that UConn has a great basketball program but they are actually turning the corner in the Big East when it comes to football.  Not that this is too much of a challenge in the Big East but there is something to say for having a winning program in Connecticut.  That being said, I am going to take the Maize and Blue solely because they are opening up the NEW Big House.

Oregon State vs TCU (-13.5)

The Beavers!  Although I like TCU and their coach Gary Patterson I have to take any team that will schedule TCU, Boise State and Louisville (a once very good program) out of conference.  The Rodgers brothers are going to show the nation that Oregon State has a very good chance to win the PAC 10 (who really doesnt?  Well, Washington State).  I am not sure if Oregon State can win this game but I think they keep it close so I am going with the Beavers over the Horned Frogs (wow, the jokes coming out of this game).

LSU (-3) vs UNC

A classic in Atlanta this year!  The LSU Tigers have completely dominated the ACC this century.  This will continue as Tutorgate is slowly unraveling in Chapel Hill and there is a chance that at least 7 defensive starters could be out for this game.  It is only fitting that the high and might UNC is being investigated for academic misconduct.  I am going to take the Bayou Bengals to win by 45 as Butch Davis sees his career go up in smoke as Tutorgate brings down the entire UNC athletic Department.  GEAUX TIGERS!

Boise State (-2.5) vs Virginia Tech

Boise State is a national title contender, we have heard this one before.  Well, they are traveling across the country on their bikes and plan on taking the Virginia Tech Hokies.  While the game is not at Lane Stadium it is sure to be a home game for the Hokies as their fans will fill the seats at FedEx Field.  The last time Virginia Tech played here they almost beat the once might USC Trojans.  I love Frank Beamer as an underdog and I full expect to see the Hokies ruin the dream run of the Boise State Broncos.  Take VT +2.5

Colorado (-13) @ Colorado State

We were running out of games but I thought this one was quite interesting.  Has Dan Hawkins EVER been a double digit favorite at Colorado?  For that matter, has he ever been at favorite at Colorado?   With that being the case I would venture to guess that he is not prepared to bring his team down enough to realize that they are really not that good.  I will take Colorado State as an underdog just because its not Big 12 football anymore.

Illinois vs Missouri (-11.5)

The last swan song of our good friend Ron Zook.  This guy has been through a lot and his reign as Fighting Illini coach will come to an end in 2010.  With that being said, I expect to see Illinois play well in this rivalry game and 11.5 points is quite a lot.  I will take the fighting Zookers to keep it close and cover the 11.5.  After that great performance you can pretty much go against Zook the rest of the 2010 season.

San Jose State @ Alabama (-38.5)

As always we will get to pick the biggest spread of the week.   Nick Saban’s defense is sure to shut out SJSU but an his offense put up enough points.  The special teams is good for a touchdown and the defense will score two but can the offense get the extra 18 points needed to cover the spread.  I will go with a blocked punt for another touchdown to cover the spread.  Take the Crimson Tide to roll (hey, that sounds catchy….roll Tide) in this one.

Tie Breaker – The number of UNC starting defenders suspended for the massacre that will occur in Atlanta by way of the Bayou Bengals  -  Well, being close to Chapel Hill one would think I have the inside track on this but who really knows what the hell is going on at UNC besides some unusual behavior amongst the males at the university.  That being said I think we see 5 defensive starters out for this game with more fun to come next week.  Let the program come crumbling down!

While in school at a rival university, North Carolina State University, many “State students” tried to figure out what they are drinking in Chapel Hill that makes them so superior; we never could figure out at the time and we probably never will.  After hearing “if you can’t go to college go to State” one too many times it gets quite irritating.  With this being said, yesterday I learned that UNC, of ALL schools, was being investigated for none other than academic violations (NO WAY!).  So you are telling me this high and mighty university can do anything wrong, I refuse to believe that.  For over 20 years I have been told that UNC is not only the best athletic program but they did it with integrity and accepting only UNC material student athletes.

Well, alright righty then!  This is starting to make complete sense.  UNC only accepts the best and brightest athletes that will come out of Chapel Hill with a degree.  Lets see, Lawrence Taylor, Michael Jordan, Rasheed Wallace, Joseph Forte, Rashad McCants, Marvin Williams and our true winner Marvin Austin!  That is a who’s who of cerebral assassins if I have ever seen it!  Let’s skip the past nuclear engineers and jump straight to our friend Marvin Austin that is single handedly attempting to bring down the athletics department at the University of No Class, oops, North Carolina.

Marvin Austin was the #1 defensive tackle and #7 overall player in the United States in 2006 and he had offers from the likes of USC, Miami, Florida State, Tennessee and just about any other school he wanted to play for.  Mr. Austin decided to bring his talents to the University of North Carolina.  When making this decision many wondered why he would choose a school that hasn’t even won a conference championship in his lifetime, I digress.

Marvin Austin came to UNC with as much hype as any player in recent remember, he was going to be Lawrence Taylor (now there is a fine depiction of an ethical individual) combined with Warren Sapp.  Over his first three years at UNC he showed signs of brilliance and was expected to be a first round pick in the NFL draft.  Well, here is where that brilliance really comes into play!  During his time at UNC, Austin has been taking trips around the country, paid by who knows who, to show his talents to NFL scouts and others.  Well, Mr. Austin, you might not have realized this at the time, but that is against NCAA rules.

It does not stop there with Mr. Austin.  Not only was he galavanting around the country on someone else’s dime (a college student mind you!) but he was also finding a way to pass the courses at the greatest institution of higher learning in the nation (tehehe).  The mission statement of this academic mecca is as follows:

Our mission is to serve as a center for research, scholarship, and creativity and to teach a diverse community of undergraduate, graduate, and professional students to become the next generation of leaders. Through the efforts of our exceptional faculty and staff, and with generous support from North Carolina’s citizens, we invest our knowledge and resources to enhance access to learning and to foster the success and prosperity of each rising generation. We also extend knowledge-based services and other resources of the University to the citizens of North Carolina and their institutions to enhance the quality of life for all people in the State.

With lux, libertas—light and liberty—as its founding principles, the University has charted a bold course of leading change to improve society and to help solve the world’s greatest problems.

Ok, so part of the mission statement is “we invest our knowledge and resources to enhance access to learning and to foster the success and prosperity of each rising generation.”  We invest…..hmmmmmm.  Marvin Austin traveling around the country?  Broke college students eating Ramen, Austin flies to Miami?  That investing that UNC is doing……wait!  While I have no idea if UNC had any part of Austin traveling around the country one thing is for certain, someone had to no about it.  In college athletics coaches know where these players are washing their socks!  They would definitely know if Austin was in another state!

Well, let’s just say that the whole travel thing was one big misunderstanding.  He doesn’t look like the brightest, but wait, he did get accepted to UNC and looks can be very deceiving!  Well, if Austin is passing all of his college courses at the high and mighty UNC he is definitely above all of us peasants who can just hope to attend a game at BEAUTIFUL Kenan Stadium (let me throw up, be right back!).  Alright, sorry, so back to our friend Marvin Austin.  So Austin has been accepted to UNC and he is now a senior, well, let’s not say a senior, he has been at UNC for three years.

In his bio at the UNC website is clearly states that “If he could change the world in one way he would educate African-Americans about money.”  Marvin, honestly?  You are the one flying around the country on someone else’s dime.  Can you please go look in the mirror for just 2 seconds.  I know being at UNC means you are always right but what the hell?!?  How about you educate yourself about money before educating others!

Sorry, that was a tangent on something I just found, back to the academic prowess of our friend Marvin Austin.  So with Marvin being a senior and forgoing NFL Draft to get his degree (haha), he must be doing VERY well in school.  This is going to be a shocker to most of you but that could not be further from the truth.  In fact, Mr. Austin is being investigated for having a tutor write papers for him.  I know, I know, that would NEVER happen at UNC.  Well, not only is Marvin Austin being investigated but it now looks as if the ENTIRE starting defense, minus a few, is being investigated.  NO WAY!  That would never happen at the University of the people.

Well, now that Marvin Austin is going down it seems he is going to bring down the entire program with him.  This is not a surprise from a cerebral assassin like Austin.  The list of players who are currently on the scout team is as follows:

Greg Little
Marvin Austin
Michael McAdoo
Bruce Carter
Quan Sturdivant
Da’Norris Searcy
Charles Brown
Kendric Burney
Deunta Williams
Robert Quinn
Shaun Draughn

The defense is completely decimated at this point as there are reports that 9 of 11 starters could be kicked off the team.  This is truly remarkable considering that UNC would NEVER admit any student-athlete or student in general who would do such a thing.  Wait, it gets even better!

You are never going to believe this but the head coach of the Tar Heels, Butch Davis, has a nanny for his teenage son.  Wait, thats not the part I meant when I said you are never going to believe this!  This same nanny happens to also be a tutor employed by the AMAZING University of North Carolina.  Well, that’s kind of unusual seeing as Butch Davis must have access to about 20,000 OTHER people in the world who could watch over his teenager.  Well, this said nanny happens to be the same person writing the papers for the UNC football players.  Wow, what a coincidence!  Who would have ever guessed that?!?

So, we have a nanny of the teenage son of the coach (that’s enough in and of itself!).  This same nanny is a tutor for the football team.  Ok, putting things together here.  This tutor is writing papers for players.  What’s next, it is being done on the personal computer at Butch Davis’ home.  Oh shit!  That has yet to come out but honestly, who could doubt anything at this point.

For all you State fans, Duke fans, ECU fans and hell, ANY fan of college athletics (Washington State included!), you get the last laugh.  All those years that UNC fans put their nose up in the air and claimed that they were the best of the best and only accepted the brightest student athletes, we can now validate the truth.  For anyone living in or around Chapel Hill, we knew all along what was going on but it just took time to prove it – thank you Marvin Austin!

Unfortunately for me I live close enough to Chapel Hill to smell the dumpster fire of fecal matter but it will be well worth it.  Nothing feels better than knowing that all of these arrogant assholes will finally be put in their place.  All of those “if you can’t go to college go to State” comments and all the “I’m a Tar Heel born and Tar Heel breed” chants are now being laughed out!  How does it feel UNC?!?  You will NEVER be respected by ANYONE in college athletics again.  For that matter, your university is a complete joke!  You not only accepted these “less than par” individuals you let it go on and did NOTHING about it!  I am certain this has been going on for years.  I can only hope that you get stripped of titles and any other accolades you received.

For those too young to remember, SMU was on the top of the college football world in the early 1980s and they received the death penalty.  How many times have you seen them on TV since then?  We can only hope that this happens to UNC because they deserve everything they get.  For all the UNC fans out there, stand up and go look in the mirror!  You ALWAYS claimed to be the utmost in academic integrity and you have been nothing but the bottom of the barrel!  The entire college football nation will be cheering for LSU to beat you 77-0!

As many analysts from ESPN and other media sources are stating “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  If several weeks go buy and Brett Favre is not on a football field then it might be time to believe that he is retiring.  Until then we will play the wait and see card as he has done this before and just like the boy who cried wolf, how can you believe him?